“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”—C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (via 15natives)
[prepare for a vent sesh…or just ignore…im sure ill feel better tomorrow]
i probably get an insane migraine every other day.
last night was the worst.
my head felt like it was going to explode, and i was getting ready for church and could barely hold myself up. then i got insane hives. it was crazy. my skin felt like it was on fire. brett completely freaked and gave me some meds and i curled in the fetal on the couch.
i think im just overwhelmed. by everything. working an 8 to 5 and having sweet work stress that ive never had before. being a newly wed. committed to church activities 3 days a week. starting a new hand made project with a friend.
life is feeling super cluttered with tasks. even when its an enjoyable thing. its starting to lose its fun. things that i love have become like chores, or something i just need to “get through” till i can be home again.
i dont like it.
the only thing i can think of is taking a break from some of it.
i may disappoint some people, and i may come off a little selfish. but i feel a little bit like im losing my mind.
no matter how much i love being social…i need to cut back. i need to take a breath. i need to adjust to some changes. doing it all at once is just not working.